a hollowed dusk no older than a stranger,

I step into a symphony of wispy light awakening fresh,

Tossed and turned spaghetti bound bed I lie.

Droopy eyes no lighter than the incandescent candle by my side,

A soothing rainbow prismed light awakes Wondering what

this new day mistakes.

I used to think that I was here to do something. And by here I mean the presence of my conscious existence in this physical world of ours. That I should try to accomplish great deeds to somehow improve my life. What does that mean when you can’t remember your feelings though?

After I dispatched this paradigm, poking its dead body off the banks of the river and into the turbid waters of skepticism, I came to the conclusion that there is no reason that we exist, only the desires that come with our existence – namely the desire to be happy. I spent the last few years trying to maximize both my immediate happiness while ensuring I didn’t compromise the potential for future happiness. It seems like a nice idea – perpetually being happy. But it doesn’t work that way. Everything is relative. Happiness doesn’t exist without sadness and pain. It becomes a game, a futures market for happiness.

But this doesn’t make sense if you can’t remember your happiness. Our consciousness exists only in the past. You react to the present, contemplate the past and (try to at least) predict the future. Happiness lasts in that wispy moment before contemplation, as you experience it – but does it matter. It is a fleeting moment lost the second it is found.

We exist for no reason at all – not even to ‘maximize’ our happiness. And once you accept that, you realize:

No, I’m not scared of dying.

Everybody knows what the truth is, I mean even a five year old can tell the truth – but thats not exactly the same as defining it. The truth is what we hold to be the objective reality of the world, but it’s naive to assume we can get the objective from the subjective, because isn’t that after all exactly what we inherit from being human? No matter how hard we try we will always be limited to the knowledge that we can gain (eg. we can’t consider factors that we don’t know about) and from our prejudices formed from past experiences clouding our interpretation of events. In light of this, we try to gain some objectivity about the world by confirming what we interpret with others. If you see a hovering man, you ask your friends if they see it too – eventually one of them will tell you that its just David Blaine lifting one foot off the ground, nevertheless you try and confirm that what your seeing is real by seeing if they see it too.

It is utterly undeniable then that all we have in this world is subjective appearances to go on, and hence all that matters is the subjective appearances that we present, and those that we believe. If you can convince everyone perfectly that you are something your not, then in reality haven’t become it – and no you obviously haven’t convinced people perfectly if they do discover your just posing as a brain surgeon.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker realised this in ‘Eek, A Penis!’, one of their more recent South Park episodes where Cartman helps inner-city kids do well in school by cheating. Although serious moral implications are raised, it begs the question: does it matter if you appear to be something your not? It answers resoundingly at the close of the show in Mr Garrison’s tirade after he regains his penis (did I forget to mention there was a sex-change mid episode?) which makes us realize that although he appeared as woman, he was really a man all along. It makes you realize that the truth only matters when the appearance slips up.

This realization has raised serious questions for me which I’ll consider over the coming weeks because isn’t success really just appearing even to yourself to be successful.

Like a good hypnotist, a close friend subdued me from my studies into a quiet contemplative mood when we were discussing the origin of consciousness. I believe that consciousness is rooted in the brain, specifically, that it is an illusion conjured by the millions of mindless robots we like to call neurons.

If this is correct, then that means if my mind were replaced in the night with an exact copy, I wouldn’t be able to distinguish if I was still the same person. That is, consciousness, isn’t like having a little man in your head looking out through eyes.

This thought is kind of scary, but let’s consider the future for a second. If a brain-machine interface is successfully developed, and we can extend our brain capacity with artificial man-made neurons is it then possible for our consciousness to grow onto these neurons?

Another way to think about it is like going through a teleporter. Lets say the hypothetical teleporter works by disassembling your body, atom by atom, and then reconstructing it with atoms gained from the environment at the end point. Will that still be the same you at the other end?

Common sense tells us the answer is both yes and no. Yes, it will still be you if consciousness is rooted in the brain and if you teleported, but it just doesn’t seem right, because after all, we’re all taught from a young age that we are completely unique.

The only consolation for me is that we still haven’t explored the role of quantum mechanics in the role of the brain, which through the likes of entanglement may offer us a new discourse for viewing consciousness.

‘Procrastination is like masturbation: its all good until you realize you just screwed yourself’

A few days ago I tried to discover the cause of my excessive procrastination: it all came down to a lack of clarity. Sure I knew I had to do some task, but I hadn’t broken it down into simpler steps (eg. Research, Organize, Structure, Write). Everyone knows they should do the research first, but in today’s society, who has time when its easier just to skip it.

I found that I lost focus when I didn’t know what something meant, or what I should have done with a piece of information – because when that happened, my brain stalled. When your brain stalls, you see something that might yield new information, though totally unrelated, and go for it on the off chance that it might be a better use of your time, than just sitting there dumbfounded.

Trying to research and write about a subject at the same time is a sure fire way to get lost in a jungle of information. Without a clear understanding of the topic, you can’t know how to group information to present it in a logical way. How are you meant to give your audience a clear picture of your topic if you don’t understand it fully yourself? Without understanding the relevance of information or how it fits in, you will find yourself discouraged and confused, and of course then it seems going to Facebook is a better use of your time than spending twenty minutes doing the research you should’ve done in the first place.

So, I used what I call the ‘information process’ to break tasks down into four discrete steps: Research, Organize, Structure, Write.

Research

The point of research is to gain a full understanding of your topic. I typically mind map it, or collect all the information in OneNote. This is so that you have everything that you will need later on.

After you’ve finished your research you should have an amorphous blob of raw data and an understanding of how it all fits together.

For example, if you were researching Car Engines, you would first get all the information about individual parts (eg. pistons, the engine block, camshafts, etc). You would then spend some time working out how those individual parts fit together to make the engine.

Organize

Organizing is where you consolidate all the raw facts into groups regardless of what question your actually trying to answer. This will be like a reference for you when you need to quickly look something up later.

Typically you will be able to break things up into discrete parts, and then have a section on the whole which relates how everything fits together. A good example of this is a wikipedia page, as they typically have a brief summary up the top, then go into individual detail below. This is particularly useful for abstract concepts as you should now be able to relate them to physical concepts and use metaphor to provide understanding which you’ll be able to later use in your finished product.

Continuing the Car Engine example: you would arrange the information about each part (eg. pistons) into a logical order. Although some people do this as they research, I find that it means you have to repeatedly change how things are grouped as you discover more. This step is also necessary because your not going to find things out in a logical order. You might get a bit on the size of pistons from one website, then another bit from a different website, and then look it up in a book and find that piston size is directly rated to the engine size instead.

Structure

This is the first step that is specific to the task at hand. During this step, you need to decide what information you actually need to answer the question, and in what order you will present it. This is like a plan for the resultant work.

I often cut and paste the bits that I need from my organized information into a new document. This document will become the basis of what actually ends up in the finished product. This removes the temptation to add in extraneous information that will just bloat, and sometimes confuse your audience.

Imagine that the question you had been asked was: The efficiency (kW / fuel used) of car engines is dependent on engine capacity. Explain. You would then copy a lot of the information about the piston size, but very little about the valves used, for example.

Write

This is the most obvious step: you simply need to take your structured notes, and phrase them as to answer your question. By doing this, you will have a clear understanding of the topic which is useful for later (particularly if you have to sit exams), and your finished work will be logical, well-structured and concise.

By following these steps, I have found that my work has increased in quality, and that I am more prepared for exams. My tendency to procrastinate has also dropped largely, and I now have more free time to do the things I want.

‘A nerd needs a project because a nerd builds stuff. All the time. Those lulls in the conversation over dinner? That’s the nerd working on his project in his head.’

And that is completely true. At least for me, and if I’m a nerd, then so be it. So how do I balance this project orientated obsessiveness with a functional GTD system?

If you are similar to me, and become obsessed with projects then GTD can be fairly meaningless because you will sit down for two days and program without fail. GTD helps you to arrange when and how to sit down for those two days however, and to keep track of how much you are actually getting done.

With my OneNote system, I keep a regular journal throughout the day of what I’ve accomplished. This really helps me to plan out what I’m going to do, and to contemplate the ideas in my head before I rush in to do them.

The hardest part about this lifestyle is doing things that aren’t interesting. The challenge really is to make them as exciting as possible with the highest chance of making a new discovery. I’d much rather program an AI and watch emergent behaviour than to simply program an AI to play a game of Checkers.

Using Your Computer

Although every moment spent on your computer will not be productive (eg. watching funny Youtube videos), you can ensure that you maximize your time working by setting specific goals from your GTD next actions that you can, and will accomplish by the time you next stand up.

The worst possible thing to do is set iGoogle (customized google webpage) as your homepage. If you’ve done this, everytime you have to look something up on the internet, you will get distracted – whether its the latest Digg post or another interesting random tidbit. Its a sure fire way to minimize the amount of work you will get done. In order to get around this inconvenience, I use Internet Explorer when ever I’m researching and then Firefox when I’m just mucking around.

Social Website’s also offer an open-loop. You will always feel the need to check them if what your doing isn’t urgent. Please, at least do not bookmark them. By doing this, your ensuring that sometime during your working day, you will visit them and then proceed to look at every photo and video that’s been uploaded.

Never Mistake the Importance of Research

As a ‘nerd’, it is your right to screw around with the various systems in your life. It is this ability that allows us to do great things, to find new and exciting ways of looking at problems. That blog you check every second day – that’s research. If you learn something new from visiting a website, then it has been worthwhile. If I had never subscribed to Ars Technica I would have never learned about Ruby on Rails and consequently Ruby and my AI programming would have gone nowhere. In fact, I’m pretty sure I would never have been inspired to try to go to Med School to study Neurology.

Be What You Want To Be

It has taken me my full life, up until two weeks ago to realize that it doesn’t matter who I am, it only matters who I will be, and if I’m doing the things to become that person. If I’m not then I should look carefully at who I’m becoming, but otherwise: people will hold you back from yourself. Be proud of who you are and who you want to be, and never do anything contradictory. I always felt disappointed in who I was because I was comparing myself with other people, who I thought had better lives than me. That was until I realized that I could be the person I wanted to be.

As an atheist, I would always argue the case with the Christian about god. But it was only recently that I realized I was just as bad as they were, I was arguing to win, no matter what points I pulled out. I believe that the most important thing in life is to be true to yourself, and not in that rhetorical bullshit way either – don’t be hypocritical. Don’t hold other people up to standards you don’t hold yourself up to. If you make a statement, you better be able to back it up.

I Stand Corrected

Its amazing how much you can learn and realize if you only open your mind to the opposite. Don’t argue against someone because your theologically opposed to the ideas they present, argue against someone because you can prove that your right.

By using an effective GTD system I have been able to manage my life to balance my little research projects, while getting the work done that is expected of me done. That is what I suppose a GTD system for a nerd should do – to ensure we accomplish what we have to, so we can be exactly who we should be. By doing this, not only have I been able to maintain personal integrity, it has left me with time to contemplate life, the universe and everything.

Also check out Vampire Weekend, especially their song I Stand Corrected which inspired this thoughtful post.

Of course that is a rather simplified explanation, as genetics would play a large role in our neural development. This model predicts that my conscious self is entirely deterministic (if you knew the state of every neuron in my brain, you would be able to predict my next action), and my consciousness is merely a perception created by every experience I’ve ever had, and the internal neural structures the have formed due to these experiences.

Then therefore, a logical question would be, where do I derive my morals from? The simple answer is that I was raised in a Christian society and therefore primarily base my morals off the bible, however, I can actually justify why I still hold these morals, rather than just accepting that this is what god intended.

Logically you would think that you would be most successful if you only looked out for yourself, and cared about nobody else – but this is an extremely naive view, and we can see how it breaks down in real life. A beggar on the street is a cost to society, in the sense that he will get some form social benefits, or even if he doesn’t, there is a sunk cost in his life, as money has at some point been spent on raising and educating him to some extent. Therefore, by the beggar not achieving his full potential, he is actually costing economy money. So if there were some way to educate and motivate the beggar so he began being a productive member of society, he would contribute back and strengthen the economy. It follows then that if I donate money, either through taxes to social welfare schemes, or directly to charity’s, even though I won’t directly see a benefit, the economy will be boosted slightly, which will then benefit me.

The simple premise is, that non-functioning members of society are costs, in that we have to support them, and also in terms of the time and money that has already gone into bringing them thus far. So it becomes obvious that rehabilitating them into productive members of society benefits everybody. This same argument is applicable to why social healthcare is a good idea.

The reason that this argument is not usually considered is because in our modern society, expense and reward have been slowly brought together until it has finally become expected that a reward will directly follow the action. This is a problem we see in many facets of life, such as a student’s reluctance to study. This mindset of reward immediately following expense is not only detrimental to ourselves, but to society in general.

Now of course using this argument may provoke a reaction from people who claim I am being inhuman as I am valuing people in terms of their productivity, sort of like cattle to be slaughtered, but I respond with a question to yourself in this case: what then do you base your morals on?

Paper gives me more working space. It can be used for doodling, or just jotting down random ideas, but I always find myself referring back to it. I don’t have to try and rephrase what I’m thinking in to words, I can just express it exactly as I imagine it. It is this kind of freedom that allows me to produce work of a higher standard. I almost use paper as a draft, something that I will later refine into structured and typed thoughts. So where does GTD come into this?

A computerized GTD system is great for organizing things, but it doesn’t implicitly allow for the incubation of ideas on a short term scale. You may argue that GTD is all about focusing your energies: but by immediately focusing yourself, you rule out possibilities that may only arise from being exposed to two different concepts at once. My paper notebook becomes my brainstorming book: it is with me throughout the day, and it catches all of those small little things that come to mind that don’t even justify a place in my inbox. The paper notebook offers something that computerized systems just haven’t been able to match: flexibility.

I use and love my Tablet PC, yet I find myself preferring pen and paper. For some reason paper just feels better – its much more accurate and precise. It also gives more tactile feedback adding greatly to the experience. Although similar in use, paper is a more flexible medium just due to those factors alone, which makes using it quick and painless. I don’t have to turn my laptop on, then swivel it round into tablet mode, and then write. Its simply flick to a page and begin.

While I am a huge advocate of computing in general, until tablets offer the same experience as pen and paper, computerized GTD systems will not be complete without at least one paper inbox.

Johnny was a chemist’s son but Johnny is no more, what Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

A man and a little girl are walking through the woods. After awhile, the little girl says to the man, “Gee, we sure have walked a long way…” to which the man replies, “Just think about me… I have to walk all the way back by myself!”

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist all go to the ocean to study it for the first time. The physicist sees the waves and the current and the structures the wind has carved out in the dunes and exclaimed, ‘look at all of the physics at work, i simply must study it!’ and promptly runs into the ocean and drowns. The biologist notices the complex ecosystem living off of each other in the ocean and yells excitedly, ‘imagine all of the undiscovered species in this water!’ and runs into the ocean to immediately drown. The chemist pulls out his notepad and pen and slowly writes ‘physicists and biologists dissolve in water.’

So this baby seal walks into a club.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

What’s the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s mind before she died?
The radiator.

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They all sit down and each order a martini. They get to talking about the deep stuff, religion, philosophy, you know, the meaning of it all. Three hours later they leave with a feeling of enlightenment and a respect for one another that will last a lifetime.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, “Fuck off! You won’t bring it back.”

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

I was having a bad day already and wasn’t watching what I was doing – anyway, I rear ended the car in front of me… And you know how some days just get weird?! Well this midget gets out the car I’ve just hit and storms up screaming hell and blue murder. I get out the car and he says he’s a lawyer… ‘ok’, I say, then in his most proffesional voice he says ‘I’m not happy!’. Due to the day I’d already had, I said, ‘well which one are you then?!’ – that’s when the fight started.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, “Does this taste ‘funny’ to you?”

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and see a kid playing.. The priest says “Hey, let’s screw that kid” and the rabbi says “Outta what?”

Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.